WOMEN’S FORUM: Squirting dilemma

I have noticed that there are some women who are worried about not squirting during sex while some of those who manage to do it get embarrassed at times as they feel it’s too much or they pee in their beds. This is one interesting topic and in this century it’s driving many crazy as they want to experience it too. All that needs to be known is that squirting is not peeing but just female ejaculation. This happens when you get the vajayjay stimulated in just the right way and get the free flow.

When it comes to female sexuality, squirting also known as when fluid comes jetting out of a woman’s genitals, often with an accompanying orgasm, during sex. Not every woman can squirt though, so if you don’t manage it, rest assured, there’s nothing wrong with you.

Squirting is something one can learn and master. Whether or not everyone with a vagina can squirt is less clear-cut. It is said that with the right technique, amount and type of penetration when it comes to female ejaculation, practice makes perfect. The force of this ejaculation depends on the strength of your pelvic floor muscles, which will contract during orgasm or prior to squirting.

The big O and squirting can happen at the same time, but not always. While this all sounds fun and exciting, in some ways squirting is “just another performance hoop for women to have to jump through. Women often have one of two concerns about squirting: Why can’t I do it, am I inadequate? or I think I’m wetting the bed during sex. Is that normal? Both of these are somewhat mired in shame or anxiety, which become another barrier to experiencing free flow and pleasure.

No two people have the same vajayjay and everyone’s big O differs. Unfortunately, because squirting is performative and somewhat quantifiable, it’s become a mark of sexual superiority which frankly just sucks for anyone who doesn’t squirt easily or at all. Sex should never be about feeling pressured to put on a show. It’s about the experience of the process, pleasure, connection and empowerment. Sex can be for growing your sexual self-esteem, releasing tension or bonding with a partner, not about performance.

Not everybody squirts! Though porn videos may make “female ejaculation” seem like a standard part of sex, the truth is, squirting isn’t something that everyone experiences. No one must stress out about failing to squirt during sex because rest assured there is nothing “wrong” with them at all.

Squirting is just a bodily function that some people can do and some people don’t do. It’s not whether it’s the ‘ability’ to be ‘able’ to do it, it’s a physiologic bodily function. Much like rolling your tongue, squirting during sex is a physical thing that some bodies do and some don’t.

It is when paraurethral glands, glands on the wall of the vagina and urethra that release fluid or swell during arousal. Every single body experiences orgasm and arousal in unique ways. It’s possible that not everyone has Skene’s glands or not everyone’s Skene’s glands fill with fluid to provide liquid for squirting.

Though some people may not have Skene’s glands or have glands that produce liquid others may just not enjoy having their G-spot or Skene’s glands stimulated and therefore do not want to be touched there.

What works for one person won’t work for another. Whereas some people may noticeably release a lot of fluids, others may produce less or minimal fluid.

The process behind producing squirting fluid is similar to the production of other bodily fluids like mucus, blood, and breast milk. Some people are over-producers, some people are under-producers and for those that do, there are different variations of how much fluid they might ejaculate or squirt. As all bodies are different, there is no standard way or amount to produce bodily fluids.

Just as some people produce more mucus some bodies are built to produce more squirting fluids.There are so many variables involved when it comes to sexual expression and enjoyment. Sometimes, when women are sexually aroused or stimulated, there is an expulsion of fluid from the glands around the urethra during or before orgasm.

Some women have reported squirting after giving blowjobs or having their nipples sucked so sexual expression and enjoyment come in all shapes and sizes. Because sex and sexuality can be so heavily impacted by cultural, religious and societal norms it can be difficult to separate what causes bodily functions like squirting from the emotional aspect of sex what someone is into or what turns them on.

While you may already know that you like to squirt or that you would like to do it, you must listen to your body and find out what works for you. Being ‘unable’ to do something sexually doesn’t make you a failure or worse off than others. Focus on what your body can do, not what it can’t. Though you may want to try to learn how to squirt, you never need to feel shame for not being able to squirt or pressure to try to force it.

Squirting does not dictate if someone is normal.Bodies are set up to experience sexual intercourse and intimacy in different ways, and female ejaculation [or lack there of] doesn’t take away from that intimacy. As everyone’s body experiences arousal differently and even your own body changes over time — there is no one reason why someone may or may not be able to squirt during sex, all that matter is what feels good for you.

If you are able to squirt, more power to you. And if you are curious, there’s no harm in trying it out. The bottom line to remember is that (like other aspects of sex) female ejaculation isn’t just a matter of pushing a button and waiting for the floodgates to open so don’t be discouraged if you come up dry.


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